Nearly everyone has been involved in a long distance
relationship at some point in their life.
Most of us have failed to maintain it, and have
inevitably broken up, even though it may have been
a promising relationship.
Why is that so? What are the common reasons
for breaking up in those relationships, and how
can you make them work?
Long distance relationships have both advantages
For some, the distance is a good way to slowly open
up to the relationship without the incessant presence
of the partner. The romance stays kindled because
you aren’t around the person 24/7, having to see
various habits and routines that can get repetitive.
In terms of disadvantages, it is very frustrating that
there is no intimacy, no hugging, no kissing – at least
between the meetings. You will experience difficulties in connecting because you don’t have eye contact, and can’t take walks or enjoy dinners out together.
Then again, that makes the meetings so much more
intense than they would be in a “normal” relationship. It’s the quality, not the quantity.
It can work, but there are some rules and guides you
have to follow. Of course, there is also a very important condition that without, any long term relationship will not work:
You must have a true interest in each other. I mean a deep, emotional connection, whether you’ve been together before the spacial separation or you’ve just met each other through chat or e-mail. I’m afraid a physical attraction is not enough.
Know where you are heading.
Have a light at the end of the tunnel. What do you want to accomplish in your partnership? Have goals and a time frame for when you want to be together. It is very important that you both have a hope to live for.
I think that this is the most common reason why some relationships over distance don’t work – they don’t have a plan. They just hope it will turn out right eventually, and that a miracle is going to happen.
Certainly this also means you will have to make
sacrifices. At least one of you. Realize that you most likely only have three options:
1. she moves to him
2. he moves to her
3. both move to another place
Start talking about it as soon as you realize that you
want to be together. The biggest mistake you can
make is to hush it up.
Plan to Meet and communicate on a regular basis.
Try to see each other every month, or depending on the distance, every three months. Plan this ahead, and include some activities like town visits, seeing a movie, a weekend full of fun. Make it a celebration, an explosion – something very special!
Soon these short meetings will be something you
long for, something that you will align your life
around. Remember, you can only get a real connection by being close, feeling and smelling a person. You don’t get scent with email or skype, or that initial wow you feel inside when you see your love. So do everything you can to meet at least once a month.
Use Modern Technologies To Communicate. You need all the help you can get, so why not use the glorious benefits of a modern communication world:
Get an e-mail account if you do not have one, and
write at least one e-mail to each other every day
Use Skype or something similar to talk to each other
for free. Believe me, it’s awesome watching a movie
together while simultaneously talking to each other
Use Instant Messaging. Use digital photographs or take videos of your daily activities and send them via e-mail Use a webcam, (this I can highly recommend)
Using all this electronic stuff will make it much easier
for you both. Imagine how it used to be 100 years ago, when a letter used to take months.
Occasionally Give Yourselves A Free Day
This one-sided communication – I mean with no
physical interaction – can sometimes frustrate you
very intensively. It is possible that this frustration
then turns to conflicts between you as an outlet for it.
This could lead to misunderstandings that are very
difficult to resolve per e-mail.
Believe me one thing – you do not want to have a
fight over e-mail or phone.
I found it very helpful to insert a day or two without
any communication. What happens then is that you
miss each other very intensely, and you usually find
yourselves at a much higher level than you were
If the only way of interaction between you is canceled
for a day or two, you will either progress or doubt. In
any case, you will know where you stand. This is also
a good way to test the strength of your relationship.
Beware Of Jealousy
Jealousy is a very dangerous thing and can threaten
every romantic relationship. Jealousy is commonly a lack of trust and understanding. It very often reveals insecurities and bad experiences in other relationships.
The keyword here is simply – trust. You cannot control and observe your partner. You can only have faith in your relationship, and in the things you have built in the times you have had together. Hold on to that, and never give in to that green eyed monster.
Jealousy is one of the most negative and destructive
emotions there is!
Avoid Dangerous “Situations”
As mentioned before, trust is essential. If you completely trust your partner, and also have faith in
your relationship, you can pretty much do what you
want without endangering anything you have
However, I nevertheless recommend avoiding some
Of course it depends on the person, but I would not
go out with anyone of the opposite sex alone, or go to
wild parties. Simply avoid temptations that could
distract you from each other.
Better safe than sorry!
Never Lose Faith
Watch out – you will meet a lot of skepticism. People will “warn you” about these kind of relationships,
especially those who have had negative experiences with them.
Don’t listen to them. People tend to negate things
they failed on. Listen to me – it can definitely work, but you both have to believe it.
Always Stay Positive
Always assume that your partner loves you and cares
about you. Never assume anything negative, whether
you read something in his/her e-mails or you disliked
how he/she made a weird comment on something.
Don’t interpret too much into anything.
The problem with non-face-to-face communication is
the lack of facial expression. It is so easy to misinterpret, but unfortunately much harder to trust
and stay positive.
I assure you, if something was really wrong,
you would know it.
As you can see, I’m definitely positive about long
distance relationships. They expose ongoing life
lessons, and prove that love, loyalty, and faith are the
vital ingredients to a lasting relationship.
Have faith, have trust and you both will succeed in
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