Getting to know someone at the beginning of a relationship is usually the best part of any type of relationship. Everything is fun, new, and interesting! Most conversations consist of sharing likes, dislikes, and goals in life. Initially, these conversations stay on the surface, but eventually they become “deeper” because you get to know the other person on a whole different level. This self-disclosure then leads into feeling connected and intimate to the other person.
It is really easy for sharing to decrease and for communication to become routine when you feel like you know your partner so well already. This usually happens with couples who have many other responsibilities (e.g. kids and/or work) or with couples who have been together for many years. Thus it is important for partners to continue to share about their life experiences and stay up to date about what their partner’s likes and dislikes are, or maybe how their goals have changed in life. Change is a natural part of life, and if you are on the same page as your partner, then you are likely to report a higher level of relationship satisfaction because you feel closer to your partner. In return, you are able to handle other conflicts or discussions in a more positive manner. This is because the two of you have a better understanding of each other.
Here are a few questions that you can ask your partner as a way to update your knowledge about him or her! You may be surprised in how they respond! However, these questions have also been shown to spark other discussions.
- What would constitute a perfect day for you?
- When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
- If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose?
- Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
- For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
- If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
- If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
- What do you value most in a friendship?
- What is your most treasured memory?
- What is your most terrible memory?
- If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
- What does friendship mean to you?
- What roles do love and affection play in your life?
- Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
- How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
- Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
- When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
- What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
- If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
- Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
- Would you be willing to have horrible nightmares for a year if you would be rewarded with extraordinary wealth?
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