Mother. What a great word, and what great responsibility that comes with the power it gives.
And a mother can, and do use that power. A mother goes to great lengths to ensure of her daughter’s wellbeing; to ensure that her daughter does… what her mother thinks is right for her to do.
Whether by introducing a so-called psychological support in front of family members, friends, or worse yet in front of her daughter’s friends, or by plain verbal abuse and bullying; some mothers continue to instil the lack of confidence and an understanding of no longer working models of women’s roles into their daughters’ vulnerable heads.
In the worst case scenario, a daughter is approaching thirty, and remains unmarried. What a shame to the family. What a shame for the mother. She tried so hard to raise the best daughter there is, and there is no Prince Charming in sight. If at first it’s an open critique towards your daughter’s current choices, then it’s a cry-out-loud from “What have I done wrong, that you can’t find a husband?” to the “If you continue being so fussy, you’ll end up with no husband at all! And you’ll die alone”. And if a daughter is particularly lucky, then her mother will add some honesty “I just want grandchildren! Can you give me at least one? With or without the stupid husband you can’t pick?”
If only that was the solution. The minute you are married, your mother will become the endless source of rules, advice, and other guidelines that may poison your already-facing-challenges marriage.
Here are just two examples of the relationship advice mothers give to their daughters; with the relevant explanations.
“Annie, you should never ever date Yoruba men! They are the worst!” Annie, is a 3 year old girl. Her mother, Liz is still heartbroken after her Yoruba husband left her for another woman the day Annie was born.
Mother’s bad-luck in her relationship doesn’t mean her daughter will face the same issues. At least if that mother stops feeding her own failures or unlucky events as the-facts-of-life.
“Let your brother go with them, it’s not girly to always be outdoors” Mum asked her daughter to wait at home, while daddy takes her son out shopping to the musical instruments shop.
So many angered women fight about equal rights and behave rather aggressively towards men, when really, they should look into their own upbringing. Perhaps it was your mother (or even your father), who taught you that you are second best to men. And in that way, unknowingly, you supported the very situation you are not happy about. I.e., feeling inferior… to men
To keep this discourse going, I would love you to add those things mothers tell their daughters, which doesn’t really help them later in life.
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